Under One Roof

Let me tell you about a woman I know. Let’s call her Woe. She is close to me. I’ve known her since I was a kid. And her story goes like this…

Woe is married and has two kids. Her husband is jobless. By choice. Ever since I was a teen, I’ve known him to be jobless. He went abroad once, but after a few months, 3 months if I am not mistaken, he went home and never held a job since then. The reason why he went home? He was not sending money home but would gamble all his salary! And he didn’t want to work if he could get away with it. He did!

Then came the kids, let’s call them D and DD. D, the eldest, is a spoiled brat. Woe spoiled him rotten! He would ask his mom to fetch every little thing for him. Water, utensils, socks, pencils and so on. DD, on the other hand, is just a little less spoiled than her brother. Both can be very sweet to their mom so I guess Woe gets something back out of spoiling them (?). Both kids can be vicious, though. They would raise their voices at her when she didn’t get them what they want right away. Even in front of other people.

When I see her, I just feel this overwhelming need to shake some sense into her! She does EVERY THING for the family! She takes care of the family finances even if she doesn’t have a steady income. Even does some unscrupulous deeds just to give something to her family. She just gave her son, D, a birthday party recently, even while looking for a way to pay his college tuition fee. Imagine, Woe’s husband even asked her to buy more fried chicken and birthday noodles for D’s friends! Meanwhile, DD, who is barely a tween, is busy entertaining suitors left and right and asking for new clothes whenever possible.

All of these she did to herself. First of all, she tolerated her husband’s laziness. She didn’t want him working then because she caught him several times in the past cheating on her. As a solution, she thought of making him stop work. Until he got a liking to not working at all! All the household chores? She does herself. Ever since until now. Her daughter, DD, is not even allowed to wash the dishes. Her husband who stays at home all the time would spend his waking hours drinking with his buddies or just carousing around. Her son, D, would go home around 5am daily, spending time gambling (at 17!) or with his girlfriend (who is rumored to be pregnant already).

I think that people should learn how to draw a line when needed. This is a clear case of self abuse! You don’t do this to yourself. You don’t ask your husband to stop working just because you think making him stay at home would stop him cheating on you. Cheaters will never stop cheating unless they want to! Regardless where they are, they will cheat again and again, even right under your nose! You don’t spoil your kids rotten up to the point of them abusing your kindness. You don’t do every little thing yourself just to make your family happy!

I hope that mothers out there who are in the same situation would learn to assert themselves before it’s too late. Believe me, Woe will go to jail because of the unscrupulous deeds she’s doing but her family will never stand up and exchange themselves with her. They might love her but I doubt if they love her as much as she does them.