Some Mistakes Women Make with Online Dating Profile Pictures

So you’re ready to get out there. You’ve joined eHarmony, set up your profile, and now you’re looking for pictures. You realize all of your recent pictures are selfies, with friends or even worse – with your ex.

You try to cut people off in the pics or blur their faces, hoping it’ll do. But you don’t get a lot of messages from relevant matches. What’s the deal?
People really do judge a book by its cover. When it comes to your online dating profile, your photos are the cover, so choose wisely.

I teamed up with DatingHeadShots.com to find the most common dating profile image mistakes and how you can fix them – using my own images as real life examples.

1. Cutting People Out / Group Shots

The problem: According to eHarmony, matches who received the least amount of communication were those who included a very narrow portrait photo, where it looked as if they had clearly cut out the person next to them. If you choose not to cut people out, it brings up a whole other issue. Men are forced to figure out who you are in the shot or they begin making assumptions about who those people are, and it can lead to them losing interest.

The solution: Full body image of just you by yourself. Men are visual creatures and they want to see all of you. Here I am at a cancer walk a few years back. It’s one of my rare full body shots, but I had to cut my dear friend out vs. a full body shot taken by DHS.

2. Using Filtered Photos

The problem: You decided to go through your Instagram to find some photos and you sure do love that Valencia filter. Thing is, a study by the University of Connecticut showed that men viewed women with enhanced photos as more attractive but less trustworthy.

The solution: Go with a shot that shows your face clearly and without the filters.
Here I am at a wedding a few years back with lots of filters vs. an above the waste shot without the filter.

3. Not Smiling in Your Photos

The problem: A study by the University of British Columbia revealed that men were most attracted to photos of smiling women. This isn’t a huge surprise. Men both online and offline look for cues that you are approachable and a smile gives them an indication that you are.

The solution: Leave the sultry looks off of your dating profile and smile in your photos.
Here’s my mean mug selfies vs. a close up shot of me smiling by DHS.

4. Not Showcasing Your Real Personal Style

The problem: Most of us are not taking pictures every day. We leave pictures for while we’re on vacation or on the beach and then we wonder why we’re not attracting the professional man.

If your pictures are suggestive, they’re going to attract a certain type of attention. If your pictures are you bumming on the beach or partying with your friends, they will attract a particular type of guy.

The solution: Dress to impress in your online dating profiles. If you’re not the jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, make sure your profile expresses that. Have your pictures reflect your personal style in all aspects of your life and the type of person and attention you are looking to attract. If you’re serious about finding love with the right man, make sure your pictures reflect it. You only get one chance to make a first impression, so you might as well make it a good one.

Some Reason Men are More Distant in Relationships

Women immerse themselves in their romantic relationships, while men place their romantic partners on an equal but distant footing, according to research from Oxford University.

The study shows that, generally, women are more invested in their relationships than men and that their happiness and well-being is more dependent upon how things are going in their intimate relationships.

Is this a surprise to you? It’s not a surprise to me.

After all, who’s usually the one who recognizes when things in the relationship aren’t working too well? The woman. Who is it that typically seeks professional help for the relationship? The woman. Who is it that mostly spends time reading self-help books and going to seminars about relationships? The woman. But why is it this way?

Women are biologically wired as the nurturers. They’re the ones with the skills to anticipate the needs of their partners, take care of nurturing the relationship and do the problem solving when things have gone awry. Men are more biologically wired as the providers and protectors. It’s not that the relationship isn’t important to them; it’s just that they show it in different ways — by working hard, establishing a career, and maintaining an emotional distance.

You may ask yourself, “How can I change him? How can I make him more involved in this relationship?” I say, you shouldn’t — so don’t even try.

The simple fact is that men and women are different. 

They tend to have different benefits in relationships but they are both interested in intimacy. Young adult women tend to focus mostly on their need for connection. This manifests in having children, creating homes, and nurturing their intimate relationships. That’s not to say women don’t have careers. They do but most prioritize these connecting activities.

Most young adult males focus on their need for significance. They’re interested in making their way in the world and having an impact. This is not to say they don’t have relationships, start families, and create homes. They do, but their priority is typically focused on work.

This dynamic tends to shift in middle age as children leave home. Women believe they’ve invested and sacrificed for their family and now it’s their turn. They go back to school, change careers or develop their own businesses. At this same stage of life, men tend to realize their children are gone and they missed a lot. They’re tired of the rat race and feel ready for connection. So, in a lot of ways, men and women flip roles.

These differences make relationships interesting. Imagine if both of you focused on connection at the same time. You’d feel blissfully happy with each other … but nothing would get done. Similarly, if you are both primarily focused on significance, then you’d have financial success … but have little in the way of intimacy.

Recognize the differences. Embrace the differences. And appreciate what you both bring to your relationship (and don’t forget to tell each other of your appreciation). Allowing each person to embrace who they are and celebrating that will do the best job to increase the intimacy in your relationships.

Simple Ways to Raise Your Feminine Energy

You are a powerful, smart, and driven woman. You excel in your career, are a go-getter and a doer. You’ve honed in on your masculine energy to help take charge but you find yourself burned out, tired, and out of balance.

This is occurring because your feminine and masculine energies are out of balance. You see we all (men and women) need a balance of our feminine and masculine energy, but as career driven women, we often put our feminine on the backburner.

Why is feminine energy so important, especially in our love lives? It helps to ignite the attraction vibes that magnetize men and increases your clarity and confidence.

Being in your feminine is as easy as practicing your “CHARMS,” a powerful acronym I’ve created to help you raise your feminine energy.

C stands for CREATE.

Creativity fuels our feminine energy when we allow the creative process to simply let us be. To be creative is to let go of perfection and control because we are not attached to the final outcome. Our concern lies in our ability to express ourselves.

Practice being creative by creating something out of nothing or expressing yourself through art.

H stands for HAVING FUN.

A lot of the women I’ve spoken to want a FUN life, but when I ask them how they are having fun NOW I hear crickets!!

There is something magnetic about a woman who enjoys her life, has fun, laughs, and smiles. Her energy is contagious and you want to be around her, you want to enjoy life with her.

A stands for ALLOWING.

A woman utilizing her feminine energy has the ability to allow others in, to receive from others. She doesn’t need to do everything on her own. She knows when to ask for help and when to lean back and allow others to do for her.

Look for times at work, home, and with loved ones where you can allow and ask for help.

R stands for RELAX.

Relaxing is all about letting go and being in the present moment. Not allowing the to-do lists, the emails or notifications get in the way of simply being. When we are able to relax and be present, we are able to connect to everything around us in a much more profound way.

From meditation to massages, pick your favorite way to relax and do it for 30 minutes today.

M stands for MOVE.

Movement is about creating fluidity between your mind and body. It allows you to stay connected to your body and to clear your mind. It also serves our need to stay healthy.

Biologically speaking men are attracted to a healthy woman that they can procreate with. Don’t take this as a need to be slim and fit, it’s a need to be healthy enough to run around and ‘practice’ procreating, even if you are past that part of your life.

S stands for SHARE.

Sharing is where vulnerability begins. By sharing our truths and ourselves in an authentic way, your feminine energy distresses, lets go, and is able to sustain.

By practicing sharing with other women in your life, you will nurture your femininity and sharing with men will become easier for you.

In practicing your CHARMS, your intention is to:

  1. See how you show up and how you feel when you commit to self-care and accountability.
  2. Identify the things that make you feel more feminine, clear and free, so that you can add them into your regular routine.
  3. Figure out where you get stuck and which parts you struggle with so that you can continue to work on that aspect of your life