Under One Roof

Going on a trip with the family is never easy. We are a bunch of impatient persons in a normal setting. When on the road, that doubles or triples in level. My siblings are not easily awed. You need to give them something that will blow their minds off. My dad, too. Plus, my family is very expensive to maintain. Accommodation, food, etc.

Can you imagine what it’s like going on a trip with an extended family? My grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins? Every thing in chaos to the highest level! Foremost of which is the trip fund.

When we went on several out-of-town trips two to three years ago, I shouldered most of the expenses. I was raking a lot of money back then so I thought of it as sharing my blessings. But boy did my wallet wailed! I never minded that much back then because I knew I could get the money back easily.

But now, with my brother in college, I could not afford to share as before. My grandma’s inviting us to go to Pangasinan for three days. I was excited but it was short lived. It suddenly popped in my head that they might expect me to shell out money for food and other things. I may have that kind of money but I won’t be busting my savings over a trip. Not anymore. I think the several trips I funded in the past are already enough.

There are mothers who find it hard to express their love for their child(ren). My grandmother’s like that. Her bitterness over her marriage’s painful breakdown was evident over the way she treated my mom. Through the years, I never saw her show my mom love. I never heard her say anything nice to her. She showered, and still does shower, us affection, my siblings and I. But never toward my mom. It was the bitter fact that my mom looked so much like her dad. That’s the only explanation we could glean from the bad treatment my grandmother gave my mom throughout her life.

But you know, looking back, there were instances that my grandma had shown her love, albeit in weird ways. She cried during those times my mom got hospitalized. She financed several of it. She’s accepted my dad even though he’s lower in status than them. And when my mom was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease, my grandma blamed herself for being busy with earning a living and leaving my mom with her grandfather and aunts. It was a roundabout way of showing her love but it’s there.

I guess my grandma is one of those mothers who doesn’t know how to express her love towards her only child. Are you like that? Or are you like my mom who was treated differently by her own mom for years?

The whole family spent the day after Christmas at Tagaytay City. We went to the Picnic Grove (as usual), ate lunch at Josephine’s and spent the remainder of the day at People’s Park. We were supposed to go elsewhere but the traffic prevented us. It seemed like everyone else was in Tagaytay that day as well.

We had a lot of fun. We were supposed to go to Subic on the second day of the year but we opted not to go out anymore. Traffic is really terrible during the holidays so we decided to postpone the out of town trip to sometime in February.

What did you do during the holidays?

My uncle is a very jealous person. I think it stems from the fact that he’s away from his family, working abroad to provide a better future for them. He checks on his wife every half hour or so. It’s not that he doesn’t trust her. He just wants to make sure that she’s with their kids and not out gossiping with their neighbors. His wife is known to do that from time to time so I can understand where he’s coming from.

Last night, his wife and two of their four kids were here at home. My uncle called twice asking if his wife was really here. I was left scratching my head, embarrassed for my aunt. I think it’s out of line for my uncle to check on his wife in front of his relatives. Younger relatives at that. It’s just downright insulting and humiliating for my aunt. Good thing my aunt just laughs it off. But if it’s a different person, that would probably mean war already!

Whenever I hear this Kenny G song, I remember my brother. The song is from the soundtrack of Dying Young. My brother died young. I still miss him a lot…

It’s been years but there’s still a lot of why’s and what if’s in my mind when I think of my brother. I will forever wish he was still here with us… always.

This year, our family went on vacation only once. In Bagac, Bataan during the summer. Unlike in the past years, there’s nothing much special on that trip. We were disappointed with the place. It was not like what we were told. The strong, big waves prevented us from enjoying the beach. The black sand was a pest! It went to our ears, inside what we’re wearing and it’s a mess! It’s good that we had fun with the family and relatives and that there’s Mt. Samat. Otherwise, it was a complete waste of good money.

Last 26th, our family went to Tagaytay. We went to the usual places: Picnic Grove, People’s Park, The Flower Farm (which was disappointing because we weren’t able to get in because there’s no tour guide present), and we ate at Josephine’s. The latter was all hype! It used to be really good. I don’t know what happened to it. The place is still good, the view of Taal Lake is still the best. But the food was blah! Should have eaten at Leslie’s or Antonio’s Grill instead. Even Gerry’s Grill would have been better. The day trip was a memory we will always cherish. We’re hoping to do it again. Probably go to Subic on the 2nd if everything goes right.

When I was a little kid, I only get to have new clothes, usually a shirt and pants or shorts, on Christmas. I didn’t get to have something new until then. First and foremost, my parents couldn’t afford it. There’s just too many of us and getting me something new would mean getting the rest of my siblings something new as well. That’s too costly for my dad. I didn’t mind it. Until I went to high school and found myself wishing I had more clothes to choose from.

But looking back, I realized that it made me appreciate brand new clothes more. When my sisters and I were talking about it, we compared ourselves with our brother who gets to have new clothes from time to time since there’s already four of us working and we can already afford it. My brother is meticulous when it comes to his clothes but sometimes, we think that he’d be more appreciative if he experienced what we did when we were little kids. We just noticed that kids these days get so many things even when there’s no occasion and you will see that some of them neglects to take care of their things because they know they can get brand new ones if they ask for it.

Balikbayan boxes or packages from overseas workers are already arriving. It’s that time of the year again. I don’t know if this is the same with other countries but here in the Philippines, it is somewhat a tradition to get at least one big balikbayan box from a family member or relative working abroad. It usually contains chocolates, candies, soaps, shampoos, luncheon meat, corned beef, and other things like shirts, shoes and personal stuff. I should know, my dad once worked abroad.

But you know, with the joy of receiving a balikbayan box comes sadness that the person who sent it would not be with you come Christmas. I am sure a lot of you who has love ones working abroad would rather be surprised that instead of a balikbayan box, the person himself/herself will arrive to celebrate Christmas with you…

That’s life and we all learn to live with both the joy and sorrow.

Have you received your balikbayan box yet?

…anything related to finance is being asked on me. Like matters on taxation and accounting. It is okay with me. In fact, I feel flattered at times. Because I know they trust me with important matters.

Like today. My aunt’s husband called me up regarding a tax matter on the house they are buying. He told me that he knows I am an “expert” on taxes. Of course I laughed it off. I am no expert. But I felt important somehow. When I was able to provide the information he needed, he told me that I can go live with them should I feel the need to. Hahaha.

Coming from him, that’s high praise.

We are not on speaking terms with my uncle’s wife. Do you know why? Because my dad reprimanded her and her cousin (who happens to be the wife of another uncle) for allowing her 14-year-old daughter to have a relationship with her teacher! My uncle is working abroad and he doesn’t know anything about it. My dad, as the second to the eldest, felt like it was his duty to correct what he deemed to be something wrong.

I don’t know with you but it really bothered us that a teacher is having a relationship with his student. And even more, that a mother of a minor would approve of the relationship. But when my dad talked to my uncle’s wife about it, she was defensive and even asked her cousin, another uncle’s wife I mentioned, to back her up.

We don’t know if we should tell my uncle working abroad about it. My dad is thinking of reporting the teacher to the school administration. Or talking to my cousin. But I told my dad to just stop and let them be. If the mother allows her daughter, who are we to say no to it?

We just feel it’s so very wrong. And we pity my uncle who’s working so hard away from his family to give them a good life.