Under One Roof

A younger cousin of mine, Felice*, got pregnant when she turned 18. It was a big issue in the paternal side of the family that time. My cousin was banished from the ancestral house where her whole family lives. She can still come visit but she can’t live there anymore. My aunts, who shell out money to maintain the house and pay for its taxes, are still angry at her for being so selfish, prioritizing herself when she knows her family, especially her younger siblings, needs her.

And then another cousin is under fire because of teen pregnancy. This time around, my 17-year-old male cousin, Jed*, impregnated his 20-something girlfriend. In fact, the girl delivered a baby girl last 16th. Unlike Felice, Jed was not ostracized by the family for what happened. He and his parents and younger sibling kept it from every one. But you know how things like this get out no matter how hard you try to keep it under wraps. We, the cousins, all got wind of it and kept quiet about it. We wanted the adults to take care of the situation and not meddle with it. Surprisingly, the adults also kept quiet about it when they all knew what’s happening. And then when the girl popped the baby out, I heard that the aunts even gave Jed’s mom the money for the delivery. Say what?!?

I hate that there’s a double standard in dealing with this kind of situation in the family. Who’s the worse offender? I would like to think that Jed’s an even bigger offender than Felice. His parents both have no jobs to speak of. He’s a brat who can’t even trim his own nails and would always wail “Mom!” even in the slightest things like getting him a glass of water and finding his socks. He’s not yet even ready in any way to be a dad and he chose to ignore all of it to give in to his “urges”.

If my aunts and uncles forgave Jed, then they should have forgiven Felice as well. I just hate this double standards in dealing with teen pregnancy!

*Names changed.

I cannot understand the logic behind being hateful to a relative that’s doing better than you in life. Will it make you happy to be saying bad things about your own relative? Will it enrich you somehow? I don’t think so. Unless you are a relative of a celebrity and you are dishing out their dirty laundry to the media.

We are not celebrities. Darn it!

Last night, news programs reported the birth of a baby with two heads. It’s actually a case of conjoined twins wherein one of the babies didn’t develop on its own inside the womb of the mother.

You know, this could have been avoided had there been an early detection of abnormalities with the pregnant mother. There is a particular test to be administered to pregnant moms so that any abnormalities or defects in the unborn baby can be detected early on. But since the parents of the baby with two heads didn’t have the money for the medical test, the mother didn’t know that she would be giving birth to such baby.

This is one of the things that the government should look into, particularly the Department of Health. So many babies with defects are born every minute of every day, in the city and in provinces. Maybe, the government can look into providing a budget for free consultations/medical tests or checkups for pregnant mothers who cannot afford it. Could be costly but they can set certain guidelines like it’s free for the first two babies. Or ask for sponsorship from big pharmaceutical companies. There are so many ways to do this and help poor pregnant mothers in the country.

In relation to that, the government could probably tighten their watch on birth control issues. Please! Roll out lectures on family planning. Or even better, on maximum 2-child policy! The mother who gave birth to a baby with two heads? That’s her fifth already! If the twins were properly formed, it would be child numbers 5 and 6. And they can’t afford to have even three kids!!!

These cases of babies with defects should have been a wake-up call to parents out there. If you know for a fact that you cannot afford it, stop at baby number 1! Use condoms or any other method of birth control! There are free clinics in every barangay where you can get help regarding this. Do not listen to the Catholic saying “go forth and multiply”! Stop multiplying if you do not have the capacity to feed the multiple!

Got it?

When a relative borrows money from you and reneged on their promise, it’s disappointing and frustrating to say the least. Especially when you don’t hear anything from them. No nothing. I know they are slowly paying off debts from different creditors. But they were specifically told that the money is needed by end of June because it was being saved for the July tuition fee installment. Sigh.

More patience, I guess. And a sterner reminder next time around.

I don’t like it when one of my siblings or my dad gets upset over something. I don’t like it at all! Today, my dad got so disappointed with someone from Hazel’s family. He arrived home from Baclaran church. He saw Hazel sitting on the lap of a boy from the neighbor. He called her to go home but that someone from her family was just looking at my dad like it’s none of his business that she’s at a neighbor’s house at 7 in the morning. That neighbor has 5 sons. We are not being malicious but Hazel is a cute little girl. You do not want your girl to be going inside your neighbor’s house with boys, right? But no! That someone from her family kept on insisting that Hazel visit that house all the time! They’re not related, by the way.

When I woke up around 10AM, my dad ranted about it. He was so disappointed with that family member and with Hazel. He wants to “return” Hazel to her family already. I don’t really know if we can pull it off, though.

You see, we are so attached with her already. She’s been living with us for almost 2 years now. We’ve been taking care of her, making sure that no harm comes to her. But with an irresponsible mother, a kunsintidor for a grandma…

I am trying to find in myself a resolve to let Hazel go back to her family. That’s probably for the best.

Our family has a history of early marriages. My parents married when they’re in their 20s. An aunt married when she’s just 19. And some uncles even married in their early 20s as well. So it’s no surprise that a cousin is now planning to settle down while still in college. His mom has a lot to say about it but I guess there’s no stopping him. He got his girlfriend pregnant and will pop the baby out by August. He’s a proud papa, telling everyone who would listen about it.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Except this cousin of mine is really close with my brother, them both of the same age. I don’t want my brother to get ideas that it’s okay to have a family at 17! And a father at that! They still have no work to speak of, not even out of university. I don’t want them thinking it’s okay to depend on their parents or older siblings to raise their family.

And 17? It’s just too young!

One of the things I am thankful for is that I was born to a family with simple dreams and simple joys in life. We live in a modest house. My siblings and I went to private schools but nothing too fancy. We don’t have a car at the moment but we used to have one. Again, nothing too fancy. It’s an old Toyota. We sold it when my mom got sick. Right now, we could have gotten another one already because my sister is volunteering to get a car loan but since parking is a problem in our area, we opted not to. We are happy with taxicabs anyway.

We have ordinary things at home. We own one tv set. No fancy radios here, just one old radio that we bought for my dad. The one we had before stopped functioning when Hazel did something to it. No one in the family even owns an iPod, or a fancy cellphone. I have a laptop and a desktop that I use for work. We don’t have an oven (microwave, yes) or any fancy kitchen gadget.

When my mom was alive, her only dream was to travel abroad. Even once. Sadly, that didn’t materialize. But I know for a fact that she was happy we had more than enough until she passed away. And can you believe my dad’s dream? He just wanted to go to Baguio City because he hadn’t been to that city! Now that it’s already fulfilled, he is targeting a trip for the whole family to Cebu City again to visit Sto. Nino de Cebu.

My own dream? Just to be financially stable and for the family to move to a quiet neighborhood.

When you say family, what does it mean? Does it mean immediately family only? Does it include the extended family? Does it include a few very close family friends?

Personally, family for me includes my immediate family and only close relatives. By relatives I mean my father’s side of the family and not all of them. Some aunts and uncles and cousins whom I like.

From the time my mom passed away, it has become a tradition for us to schedule outings every year. Summer or sometime in December near the holidays. And during these outings, we would often tell each other that it’s family only. No girlfriends or boyfriends or friends included. The reason behind this is that, the outing is a time for us to bond as a family. If there are distractions in the form of other people they need to entertain, then the time for us to bond would be halved.

During our last outing, my cousin brought along six of his friends with him. That alone violates our rules for family outings. He knows that he can go out with his friends all he wants but then do not bring them during a family outing. The worse thing was this. We brought along food for the kids because you know how kids are during a swim. After an hour or two in the pool, they’ll get out of the water hungry. Since his friends were unexpected and not really part of the planning, the food intended for the kids were given to his friends. I was really pissed off because of my cousin’s insensitivity. He could have warned us that he’d bring his friends along. His parents could have prepared their own food and brought along more than enough. But no. They didn’t. They stood there serving the teens like its their food their serving.

These are some of the things that I don’t like during family outings. Insensitivity towards others. Selfishness…

Does this happen to your family outings as well?

Amidst the chaos that was the birthday party that I attended this afternoon, I got to talk with some elders about the financial crisis that’s affecting the whole world today. Of course, they are all worried. I am worried myself. Most of the people I talked to this afternoon are breadwinners of their families. Some are housewives. Making both ends meet is their expertise. Now, it seems that all of us are having problems making ends meet.

One aunt of mine was thankful for the credit cards that she and her husband have. They rely on credit cards when they are short on budget. It was a big help. One even has a cash back bonus that they were able to use a few weeks ago.

An uncle is relying on his gas credit card when his monthly allowance is not enough. Instead of paying for it in cash, he uses his credit card. His cash he gives to my aunt who uses it for daily needs. Of course, the use of credit cards should be handled responsibly. One could get neck-deep in credit card debts if one doesn’t know how to handle it.

In these times, wise decisions and smart moves will keep us all afloat. That’s our conclusion after everything we’ve talked about.

My sisters, Hazel and I attended our cousin’s birthday party at Jollibee Luneta Park this afternoon. Our nanay (paternal grandma), some aunts and other cousins were also present. It was really fun! We had so much fun laughing, enjoying watching the kiddie games, and the Jollibee mascots. It was actually a riot when the mascots made their appearance.

It was truly an afternoon to remember for all of us!